War of the Sexes

John Gray famously said that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Maybe, that explains the inherent attraction between the sexes(at least that is how I console myself when I see my fellow friend making an ass out himself in the pursuit of a girl). Seen this way,girls have their work cut-out. They just have to EXIST (at least inIIT).

Yet an average IITian invariably doesn't have a girlfriend and isseemingly content with the status quo. Why, one may ask. The blame for the above maybe squarely put at the doors of a select few (here after called niraasha) of the fairer sex, who grace IIT with their august presence.

If Helen of Troy was responsible for the launch of athousand ships, then niraasha could definitely launch a thousand missiles. (or probably thousands of men without even life-jackets)(orwill definitely launch thousand asses on rafts)

In any fracas involving a female, an IIT guy's standard response is'let's make love, not war'. Maybe the following real life incidentwill demonstrate why my moto in IIT is invariably "always war".

The males were beaten by the females in the historic 'war of sexes' tennis game in 1970s. But in the 21st century war of the presentations, the males emerged victorious. This is how….

(In the words of mine… who calls a single female in particular 'niraasha'):

It all started out innocuously enough. Before the commencement of the conference we went on a tour of a nearby institute, where I had thegood fortune of reconnecting with a former friend. During the course of idle chit chat, she happened to inquire the identity of the person representing her institute. When I told her that it was Nirasha sheonly had a single word response "Yuck!", and then bitterly regretted that such a supercilious show-off and busybody was representing her college.

While I was willing to give the female in question the benefit ofdoubt, her behavior over the next few days only served to reaffirmwhat had been said about her. But the final nail in the coffin (so tospeak) was the result of an (unfortunate) meeting which I had with herthe night before the presentation.

Like any other self respecting IITian, my presentation was only halfdone. Yet when I went to the presentation room, I found her giving a mock presentation to an empty room. When I asked her if she could spare the laptop for some time, she put on her high airs and point blank refused to show any consideration. This pissed me off but I merely told her "I understand. You are famous". Now any other person would have understood the sarcasm behind the words if not the tone.Not niraasha, though. She enthusiastically affirmed the fact and then inquired who had put in the good word for her. I told her the names of two seniors from her institute, and that only served to increase her excitement and she went on to say "I love them and they are my bestseniors".

I thought that the farce had gone on long enough and roundly disabused her of the notion. I then clarified "You ARE famous, orrather (in)famous". Her face, at that point, was worth seeing(a trueKodak moment). She then asked me who the seniors were. I said, "Samepeople. Your best seniors". She in turn asked me, "kya kya bataya?". Itold her . Her response wavered from aninitial display of innocence to point blank refusal afterwards. To conclude a best-forgotten evening, I took the laptop.

Girls(some in particular) like to harp on gender equality but try toevade the issue when it comes to the crunch. Niraasha had been particularly vocal in voicing her doubts during other people's presentations (mine in particular). Yet when I tried to pay her back in the same coin during her presentation, she did not like it. I pointed out a no of pertinent corrections in her presentation, butinstead of taking it all with good grace, she tried to be sarcastic and repeatedly said, "As mentioned politely by <>". I interrupted her volley when she said it for the 3rd time and gently pointed out "notjust politely but rightly also" to the uninhibited laughter of theaudience.

I was prepared to field the usual volley of questions, and managed toconvince everybody, but Niraasha refused to be convinced. My response,which went on to become a legend, ensured that nobody asked any further questions. As far as I remember, this is the EXACT reproduction of my response to Niraasha, in front of the audience,VERBATIM:

"I have one example to convince Niraasha. I have a turbine at highaltitude. At that altitude my gas is 'Niraasha'. I am pumping Niraasha through the turbine from one end. At the other end I have vacuum pump and the pump is sucking Niraasha. Due to low pressure, collision distance between two Niraasha molecules increases. Now it can be clearly seen that my gas Niraasha is highly slipping at the walls.

"Continuous uninhibited laughter from the audience..her face was worthseeing..(One more true kodak moment)..after this in each slide of mypresentation I asked her "have you understood this conceptNiraasha..!

"Contninous laughter from the audince...her face, was worth watching(one more true kodak moment)..after this in each of my presentation Iasked her "have you understood this concept niraasha.."..her promptreply.."yes "..

The end

War of presentations

(Wrote in 2006 December)